March 30th, 2005

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A story from four years ago

The other day I listened to a 78 record of Dinah Washington singing Big Long Slidin' Thing, and that (maybe combined with it being around tax time) reminded me of this little story, which I see I originally wrote up on April 13, 2000.
Today I went to the post office to mail off my tax returns.  As I was being assisted Butterbeans and Suzie's song "I Want A Hot Dog For My Roll" started playing over the PA system.  When the chorus started a woman in the next booth over snickered, at which point the postal employee assisting me looked over at her and said in a matter-of-fact manner:  "Those double-entendres will get you every time."
For those not familiar with the song, it contains bits of dialogue like the following:
Butterbeans: Now here's a dog that's long and lean.

Suzie: No, that's not the kind of dog I need!

Butterbeans: Now here's a dog that's short and fat.

Suzie: Well, I sure need something different from that!

Butterbeans: Now, where's your roll?

Suzie: Here's my roll.  Now where's your dog?

Butterbeans: Uh-uh!  That roll of yours could fit a half a hog!
While doing the vital research for this post, I happened across this strange Butterbeans & Suzie takeoff I wrote last year. It is very, very puzzling. I don't remember much about writing it, except I think I looked up the word 'couch' in a bunch of thesauruses. (Thesauri?)
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I was at the corner store (a Brooks Pharmacy) buying some stuff when a guy strode out from one of the aisles and towards one of the doors.

"Wait, you have some change coming," said my cashier.

"Oh, that's OK, you can keep it," he responded, and quickly made his way out of the front door, incidentally setting off the metal detector (or whatever you call the thing that's supposed to detect when you've got items that haven't been paid for).

The security guard looked on, a bit uncertain what to do. After a few seconds, the cashier told him, "Go and bring him back here!" The guard left the Brooks and returned a short while later with the guy in question, who went through the metal detector again without setting anything off and was permitted to leave.

The cashier then explained to the guard that part of being a security guard is that if it seems like someone might be stealing stuff from the store then you have to try to stop them. (I think it was his first day on the job.)
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